Hmm. This is personal and kinda stupid, (my answer, not your question) but here goes! I had a real jerky ex once. His friends were upset we dated since one of then had the hots for him. The entire relationship was abusive and cruel towards me. I should have left two weeks into the relationship when I’d begun to feel like something was amiss, but I was young, and tried to believe people were inherently good…
So, we go to a club and he leaves me alone at a small table near the dance floor, while he goes and sits on a large couch along the back wall with all of these friends who also show up at the same place. He had already told me we aren’t allowed to be affectionate in public in front of his friends. No hand holding, nothing.He’d also made it clear none of them liked me. So, I sat at the tiny table, and waited. The couch they’re sitting on, faces me the whole time, and I can feel the bad vibes coming from there as they laugh overly loud and animatedly.. while I sit quietly alone, and try to avoid glances from random men smiling, winking, etc. at the gal alone near the dance floor. He leaves me alone for about 40 minutes, during which time, some guy comes along and sits across me, and drunkenly starts hitting on me. I glance back there, and they’re all still on the couch, laughing it up. The drunk guy is getting in my face, and isn’t mean. Just kinda sleazy.
So, I politely tell the man I have to leave, and I do. And when I said leave, I really meant it. I left the club. I walked up the street to the nearest 7-11 to get me an icee cause I’m so bummed. My bf doesn’t even notice all this, until the end, when I return and he’s fuming mad at me for not telling him I left because he was embarrassed that he had to ask someone at the bar to use their phone to try and page me. (This was in the 90s when most people only carried a pager). I told him how he bummed me out and dudes were hitting on me, and that I just left because I wanted an Icee to cheer me up.
On the way to get Icee, men in a truck tailed me part of the way and asked me to come cruise with them in their trruck. It was a bit dangerous since it was after 2 AM and so, maybe I risked my life for an Icee. But I felt self-destructive and invincible, and non-caring about myself at the time. And, I loved Icee. I needed an emotional band-aid. (I know 7-11 sells Slurpee and not Icee, but it was an Icee I really wanted. And was going for the next best thing, and kept referring to it as an Icee in my mind back then).
I would have appreciated it if his concern was for my safety, but it was his hurt pride when he had to come look for me and let his friends realize he didn’t know where his woman had gotten to, And even though I explained why I’d left.. dude hitting on me, being ignored by everyone, really wanting a Icee.. He made it clear that I should never do anything like that to him ever again. And barked the orders at me like I was a dog. No apologies. Just a scolding for making him have to look for me. Said I should have stayed put, at the table where he left me.
We broke up after that.
joan9 wants more zen 